A Thousand miles
by Miki-to-you-Maiko
Summary: A songfic in which I learn more about myself and how love conquers everything. More plot coming, you'll have to wait and see!
1. Tonight

Ok- forget disclaimers- ya know what I don't own and since my real name isn't connected to these stories, the schmutz couldn't sue me anyway. (Sorry I called you a schmutz, Baz, I love you!)  
  
I sat in my living room pretending to watch some stupid show I didn't care about. Checking my watch, I sighed. It was about the time I would have gotten up if I had slept. Time to lever myself up off the couch and get to school.  
  
While I slowly packed my bag and walked listlessly out the door, my parents sat in the kitchen discussing my behavior.  
  
"Do you think she's sick or something? She's distracted… She doesn't pay attention..."  
  
"She's lovesick," my best friend put in from the door knowledgeably, after checking that I was out of hearing. "Don't worry about it, I'll learn who it is and fix it. Just hang back and don't bother her about it."  
  
"If she DOESN'T tell me, I'll be so pissed," She added under her breath, then running to catch up with me, "ALAINA YOU DORK, WAIT UP!"  
  
I laughed so hard that tears ran down my face at Abby's frolicking. She was jumping around and yelling, "Lookit me! I'm," ::clap:: "DUCK-MAN! Dun dun dun!"  
  
"Goodgood," she said, pausing for a minute, "Now that you're cheered up, wanna tell me what's wrong?"  
  
"Ohhh…. You'll think I'm stupid."  
  
"Lainy! No, I won't. How long have I been your best friend?!"  
  
"Well,"  
  
"How long!?"  
  
"Eight years."  
  
"And when have I ever thought something that obviously meant this much to you was stupid?"  
  
"Never."  
  
"Ok, Goooooood Lainy. So?"  
  
"Ok, I'm in love. His name is Henri. But…"  
  
"That's great, Lainy, just talk to him!" Abby sat down on the grass, content that the problem was solved.  
  
"It's not that simple… You see, I would, but, he doesn't, er, live around here. Having a relationship with him, even talking to him is impossible."  
  
Just had to burst that bubble. So, it's a little more complicated, but she can handle it, right?  
  
"Ok, where does he live?"  
  
"Montmarte, 18th century."  
  
"Hold on. What? I'm really confused. How can you be in love with some guy who's been dead for like a millennia."  
  
"I can't explain it. It's like I've always known him, before I knew who he was, I loved him. It's like….  
  
If I could fall into the sky,  
  
Do you think time  
  
Would pass me by,  
  
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
  
If I could just see you,  
  
Tonight." I sang, the lyrics flowing straight from my heart.  
  
"If I could fall into the sky, if only time would pass me by, maybe I could see you, tonight."  
  
Abby paused for a minute, sensing how deeply I felt this.  
  
"You really do love him, don't you?"  
  
"Yes," I said intensely, "I call out every day to him, just trying to get through, asking him to let me see him, meet him, just once. I know he can't hear me. I guess I'm more asking God."  
  
"We'll just see if we can make that song come true." 


	2. A change

Weeks had passed, and though Henri's image hadn't faded in my mind, I didn't mope around so much. Loving him was part of me, it didn't detract from me, or encompass me; it was just there inside, you know? I had accepted my love's futility without losing it, which left me more free than ever to simply enjoy life.  
  
As happy as I was with my lot, no one can be cheerful all the time. Even with a pretty good life, sometimes feelings of sadness, like ~~waves~~, just washed over me. Every day after dark I went to the park by my house and sat on the swings, gazing up toward the stars and letting the waves flow through. When I thought no one was around, I sang.  
  
I sang my heart out, trying to strain up high enough to touch those distant stars, cramming my soul into the lyrics.  
  
"Good morning Starshine" I whispered.  
  
"The earth says Hello!  
  
You shine above us,  
  
We shine…. Below,"  
  
On the last line, my voice broke under the strain of sadness I could only define as Henri. It was time to let him go, and get on with life. Next time I sit out here under a dark mysterious sky, I want to think of things that matter to me and replay enjoyable parts of the day in my head- I don't want to be sad! And I'm lucky enough to have the choice. To have the choice to move on and be carefree and HAPPY, or to selfishly hold on to a useless hope, because I'm too lazy to unclench my fists.  
  
When I was young  
  
I never needed anyone  
  
And Love was just for fun  
  
Those days are gone  
  
Livin' alone  
  
I think of all the friends I've known  
  
When I dial the telephone  
  
Nobody's home  
  
All by myself  
  
Don't wanna be  
  
All by myself  
  
Anymore  
  
Hard to be sure  
  
Sometimes I feel so insecure  
  
And loves so distant and obscure  
  
Remains the cure  
  
All by myself  
  
Don't wanna be  
  
All by myself  
  
Anymore  
  
All by myself  
  
Don't wanna be  
  
All by myself  
  
Anymore  
  
When I was young  
  
I never needed anyone  
  
Love was just for fun  
  
Those days are gone  
  
All by myself  
  
Don't wanna be  
  
All by myself  
  
Anymore  
  
All by myself  
  
Don't wanna live  
  
Oh  
  
Don't wanna live  
  
By myself, by myself  
  
Anymore  
  
By myself  
  
Anymore  
  
Oh!  
  
All by myself  
  
Don't wanna live  
  
I never, never, never  
  
Needed anyone  
  
But I have to let that love go. A real Love is not just love, it's a conscious choice. You can fall in love more than once, and I refuse to base myself on a guy, even for Henri. So I'm sorry, Henri, but goodbye.  
  
And now  
  
The end is near  
  
So I face  
  
The final curtain  
  
My friend,  
  
I'll say it clear  
  
I'll state my case  
  
Of which I'm certain  
  
I've lived  
  
A life that's full  
  
I've traveled each  
  
And every highway  
  
And more,  
  
Much more than this  
  
I did it my way  
  
Regrets,  
  
I've had a few  
  
But then again,  
  
Too few to mention  
  
I did  
  
What I had to do  
  
And saw it through  
  
Without exeption  
  
I planned  
  
Each charted course  
  
Each careful step  
  
Along the byway  
  
Oh, and more,  
  
Much more than this  
  
I did it my way  
  
Yes,  
  
There were times,  
  
I'm sure you know  
  
When I bit off more  
  
Than I could chew  
  
But through it all  
  
When there was doubt  
  
I ate it up  
  
And spit it out  
  
I faced it all  
  
And I stood tall  
  
And did it my way  
  
I've loved,  
  
I've laughed and cried  
  
I've had my fails,  
  
My share of losing  
  
And now as tears subside  
  
I find it all  
  
So amusing  
  
To think  
  
I did all that  
  
And may I say,  
  
Not in a shy way  
  
Oh, no,  
  
No not me  
  
I did it my way  
  
"I did it my way" I sang, "My… Way…"  
  
"YESSSSSSSSS, ALL RIGHT! HERE I COME WORLD!" I yelled defiantly at the night.  
  
I didn't see the guy who had sat listening behind a tree slowly get up from his sprawled position and silently walk away. 


	3. Get over it, Ray

Sitting at our lunch table laughing at my antics were Abby, Laur, Nikky, and the rest of our lunchtime gang. Me and Abby are the only original sailors left after Stacy moved, but the rest of our group were really close friends and we loved 'em.  
  
Oh, sorry. I should explain the sailors comment. You see, for a long time, there were four of us in a really close group of friends, and we called ourselves the sailors, because we used to watch Sailor Moon every day. We knew it was kind of a stupid show, but I still like it anyway. If they hadn't taken it off-air I'd probably still be watching it. So anyway, we each were from a different planet. I was Mercury, Abby was the Moon, Laur was Jupiter, and Stace was Venus. We had 'Sailor Scout meetings' and lots of fun... but then Stacie moved away. It was horrible, one of the Inner Sailors leaving, and we all threw her a going-away party, just the scouts. Then we became the Inner Council, of three members, a term we made up because we just weren't as Scouty without Sailor V. We got together to discuss our country (we were the government) and just hang out; we even had symbols of office. Until we lost another member, Lauren. I know what your thinking, because I'm psychic. We're still friends, and I DID say she sits with us at lunch, but she's drifted away. I love her just as much as always, but lately she's been rather cold, especially to Abbs. It's been hard for my Abby.  
  
I had worn my hoody from musical that day, so I was doing my hermit bit, acting it out and narrating. "I've lived in a cave all my life, putting together a book of wise hermit wisdoms to share with the world. So I came out, even though I hadn't seen a human in 15 years...." Here I pretended to notice my friends. "AQQUGH! People! Shuuuuuun!" Run away! They cracked up, because of course I'm always funny. ::wink:: I think of original stuff off the top of my head and go with it. Sometimes I embarrassed people, but in the end my friends love it. I'm the comic relief from whatever's bothering them. Whenever they're blue, I'll cheer 'em up. In fact, a lot of my friends doubt that I'm ever sad or have a bad day. I like that, but like I've said before, no one can be happy all the time.  
  
"Wow Lainy girl, you're good at making people laugh, I bet you would rock as a comedian!" Nikky chuckled, wiping her eyes.  
  
Which was, though I hadn't told them, my dream. Might sound stupid to you, I guess, a stand-up comedian, that's a kid's dream, but I don't think so- because it's MY dream. And I can do it.  
  
"Lina?" if you hadn't guessed, that's another of my nicknames, "The moon to planet mercury, could you patch us through to Lina? WAS IT MY FEET THAT DROVE YOU AWAY!!!??"  
  
That was, of course, Abbsies.  
  
"Yes it was your feet, PU! But I'm back anyway." Pause for effect. Wait, what did I NOT do yesterday? "Omigish! I didn't finish my homework!" While I frantically checked the time and scrambled for my assignment, Nikky turned to Jessica and asked, "OmiGISH?"  
  
Phew, all done. Just as the bell rings. I stood up to rush off to my next class, English, and ran right ::bang:: into the chest of some guy who had been walking past. Oh hell, I thought as he fell down, that's the third time today.  
  
I leaned over and offered a hand to help him up. "Sorry about that, unfortunately it seems to happen to people around me quite a lot. Must be my feet."  
  
"That's alright," he said, smiling through intriguing green eyes and flipping his fiery red bangs out of his way, "I think I enjoyed the experience. It's not every day you get knocked over by a five foot firebrand, especially if you're 5'9."  
  
He was referring to my wild, but the same shade of red, hair. I have green eyes, too.  
  
"It's always nice to be unique. I'm Alaina, also known as Lina, Lainy, or anything else that uses at least two letters in my actual name."  
  
He didn't volunteer his name; he just smiled mysteriously. Blunt person that I am, I called him on it. "This is when you give your name. Hey! We look a lot alike, maybe I can use 'twin ESP' to figure it out." I hummed and shut my eyes, singing a song that came to mind. People might hear me, but I didn't care. If they don't like who I am, they can go hang.  
  
And now we've grown up orphans  
  
That never knew their names  
  
We don't belong to no one  
  
That's a shame  
  
But you could hide beside me  
  
Maybe for a while  
  
And I won't tell your name.  
  
With my eyes still shut I finished the song, and waited for him to give up and tell me so I could get to class already, sheesh!  
  
I felt the softest caress on my lips as he bent down and kissed me. Ok, who does this guy think he is?! I don't take that kind of crap from anyone! My eyes snapped open and I pushed him away from me.  
  
"Now why'd you go and do that?!" I demanded, wiping my mouth.  
  
"What?" He looked shocked that I refused his advance.  
  
"Arrogant bugger, I have more self- respect for myself than that. You think I'm gonna let a guy whose name I don't even know get away with that? I don't think so! I like you though, so I'll give you another for what I'd intended, which is FRIENDship. Can you respect that or are you going to be jumping me all the time?"  
  
His eyes flashed at me angrily, "Hey, I didn't mean to kiss you, it just happened! You think I'd kiss just any girl I happened to see?! I was just going to bend down and tell you who I am!"  
  
Too abruptly I dropped my indignation and was totally friendly again. "Which is?" I smiled sweetly.  
  
He blinked a couple times and then laughed.  
  
"Ok, you win, Lina, I'm sorry. My name's Ray."  
  
We were so like each other, it was uncanny; making it the perfect friendship from my point of view. After 'the incident', I realized we had three classes together, and we started alternating sitting with his group of friends or mine during lunch. We had so much fun, and me being me, I was totally relaxed around him.  
  
From his point of view, though? I think he couldn't let go of the kiss as easily as I did. He wanted more than friendship, and he knew there was no way I would let anything more happen. He was stuck, and I'm sorry to say that I didn't notice. If I had, I might have been sympathetic, but I'd tell him what I'd learned.  
  
Sometimes you just have to let it go. 


	4. This can't be happening!

My muse is back with a vengeance! I should really change Chapter 1- it kinda sucks......  
  
  
  
"Ray," I hissed, "Pst, Ray!" He ignored me. I guess that's alright, because I was trying to get him to let me copy his Algebra homework. I didn't do mine again, and I didn't want to lose my good grade in the class. "Pleeaase Ray, I promise I'll do the work from now on!" I pleaded, giving him the puppy eyes.  
  
"Lainy, you know I don't think that it's a good idea, you need to do your own! If you hurry you can still get it in time- it's not due until the end of the period." He reasoned, "If you need help, then I'll help, but..."  
  
I scowled, "I know how to do the work, Raymon!"  
  
"Then do it!!"  
  
Sometimes Ray could be so holier-than-thou. It's alright though, I shrugged it off with a sigh, and now it looks like I have to do work. With a whine I almost set pencil to paper before I had another great idea. "I know!" I hollered, attracting stares from my classmates and teacher, "I'll call Spider-Man with my patent Spidey Call!"  
  
"Gobbloogoooblooogoooblooogooobloooo....." I whispered.  
  
"Um, Li? Spider-Man lives in New York." Ray reminded me.  
  
"Oh, you're right. I have to call louder."  
  
"Good plan." He approved before directing his attention back to his paper.  
  
"GOOOBLOOOGOOOBLOOOOOGOOOBLOOOOOOOO!"  
  
  
  
I swung WAY up high, then way down low, feeling the breeze on my face, in my hair, running through me and taking all the bad parts of my day with it. Ray swung slightly off key beside me, and Abby swung on my other side perfectly in my window. Ray had just moved into the house across the street from mine, and Abby had always lived behind me, so now all three of us came to the park at night to watch the stars and swing. It's so relaxing, all the muscles in my body loosen up, and I can just take in the beauty of the night.  
  
...Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and above all things...  
  
Where had that voice come from?!  
  
...Love....  
  
STOP! I don't need love! I yelled defiantly in my head, lying to myself.  
  
I'm sorry, Henri... whispered another part of me, a part that lived in my heart. At least I got to hear your voice... but you know I can't go through this again.  
  
Suddenly I started singing out loud, unable to stop myself and hide my feelings from my friends.  
  
I want to touch you,  
  
I want to see your face,  
  
I want to know you more,  
  
I want to see you,  
  
I want to hear your voice........  
  
I want to know you more.  
  
Ray never knew about Henri. On that train of thought, she couldn't help savoring his name in her mind. Henri Marie Raymond.... Wait! His third name was Raymond...  
  
"Ray!" I said more sharply than I'd intended, "What's your full name?"  
  
"Raymond MonFa, at your service." He replied, just a bit confused.  
  
Another voice echoed in my head, one that I used to hear every morning, one that filled me with such joy... "Good morning, love, it's dear old Henri Marie Raymond Toulouse Latrec MonFa, at your service."  
  
Suddenly numb, I fell off my swing on it's high arch, sliding through gravel and coming to a stop on the grass. Bleeding through my nose, scrapes on every limb, and a cut in my mouth, I wearily, sadly, picked myself up and ran into Abby's comforting hug. Oddly enough, all I could consciously think about was the inappropriate hope that the hot tears that trickled down wouldn't stain her beautiful new sweater.  
  
Ray was panicked, jumping off his swing and running over. "What's wrong," he asked frantically, only to be turned away by a distressed Abby.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ray, but you'd only make it worse."  
  
"Is she Ok? What did I do, why won't you let me see her?!" he practically screamed in anxious agony as Abby led me away. Ray stood there unmoving for half an hour afterwards, worried sick.  
  
  
  
Abby knew what was wrong, because I told her everything. She knew about hearing Toulouse every day, what he'd said, how I'd let him go; she knew everything. She knew why I couldn't stand to be around Ray after that, because he was too much like a dull plastic copy of Henri, without his love and energy and cheerfulness. There could never be another to replace Henri for me, I could never accept a copy or even worse, a descendent! That would mean Henri hadn't been true to me, and I knew he had, I just knew!! If the love was strong enough to span time, then it was strong enough to be worth fighting for. Then that thought created another; did i have the right to ask faithfulness if I didn't fight for him, didn't remain faithful to him. Even though I didn't initiate it, the kiss in the lunchroom burned through my heart.  
  
The very idea of him kissing me if he had been Henri's great grandchild was disgusting.  
  
And I'd give up forever to touch you  
  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
  
And I don't want to go home right now  
  
And all I can taste is this moment  
  
And all I can breathe is your life  
  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
  
I just don't want to miss you tonight  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
  
When everything feels like the movies  
  
And you bleed just to know you're alive  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
  
  
And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
Abby knew all this, and as she led me back home the thoughts crossed her mind, but she focused on one thing. "They look so much alike. What if he was a descendent of Toulouse, but also of Alaina?" 


	5. My angel

My parents weren't home when we got back, so Abby stayed for the night and got me cleaned up. My parents never knew she was there, asleep in the chair at the foot of my bed, watching over me like an angel. I was so stunned that I was half-unconcious, and I don't remember any of it, but I remember the song she sung to me while I tried to sleep, tried to rest my scarred soul.  
  
Sleep my child and peace attend thee,  
  
All through the night  
  
Guardian angels God will send thee,  
  
All through the night  
  
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping  
  
Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,  
  
I my loving vigil keeping  
  
All through the night.  
  
While the moon her watch is keeping  
  
All through the night  
  
While the weary world is sleeping  
  
All through the night  
  
O'er they spirit gently stealing  
  
Visions of delight revealing  
  
Breathes a pure and holy feeling  
  
All through the night.  
  
  
  
All through the night  
  
All for thee my heart is mourning,  
  
All through the night.  
  
Though sad fate our lives may sever  
  
Parting will not last forever,  
  
There's a hope that leaves me never,  
  
All through the night. 


	6. Hope continues

Spend all your time waiting  
  
For that second chance  
  
For a break that would make it okay  
  
There's always some reason  
  
To feel not good enough  
  
And it's hard at the end of the day  
  
I need some distraction  
  
Oh, beautiful release  
  
Memories seep from my veins  
  
And may be empty.  
  
Oh, how weightless,  
  
Then maybe I'll find some peace tonight  
  
In the arms of the angel  
  
Far away from here  
  
From this dark cold room  
  
And the endlessness that you fear  
  
You are pulled from the wreckage  
  
Of your silent reverie  
  
You're in the arms of the angel  
  
Where you find, some comfort here  
  
So tired of the straight life  
  
And everywhere you turn  
  
There's vultures and thieves at your back  
  
And the storm keeps on twisting  
  
Keep on building the lies  
  
That you make up for all that you lack  
  
It don't make no difference  
  
Escape them one last time  
  
It's easier to believe  
  
In this sweet madness  
  
Oh, this glorious sadness,  
  
That brings me to my knees  
  
In the arms of the angel  
  
Far away from here  
  
From this dark cold room  
  
And the endlessness that you fear  
  
You are pulled from the wreckage  
  
Of your silent reverie  
  
You're in the arms of the angel  
  
Where you find some comfort here  
  
You're in the arms of the angel  
  
May you find some comfort here.  
  
I woke up to complete comfortable silence- flooded with warmth and light from my open window. I could ALMOST remember something cold and sad. It was like I was trying to hide something from myself. That won't do! I sat up, yawning, and commanded in my silliest cartoon cowboy voice- "Give it up, ya villain!"  
  
Chuckling at my own antics, I started to get up; but then it all came back.  
  
"I take it back... Don't give it up.." I whispered, too late. Ray. he must be so worried, the poor guy. But I just couldn't talk to him right now, couldn't be near him- it all just makes me sick inside!  
  
I think I figured out why. This world is crap. I hate it. I've been weak so far in fighting, always fighting- but still living off hope in my heart. Well, this takes away my hope. I need a new purpose for life- Not just my beautiful. fulfilling love for Henri... STOP!  
  
I bit my hand to distract myself for a minute from those thoughts. Back to the matter at hand, a new purpose.  
  
I tried to be strong, but I couldn't. Falling back on my pillows, I ground out bitterly, "How futile and pathetic. I have no other purpose. My love for Henri, hearing his voice, it kept me going. Now I have nothing to live for." Abby heard me from the chair. She'd woken a few moments ago, just in time to catch my words.  
  
"That's not true, Lina! You have me, I'll be here- always." She answered softly, with conviction, almost prophetically, "And you haven't lost Henri forever. You don't know for sure what this means. I have to go home now, but remember that I- and all your friends- love you; and think on this- Ray has your hair and your eyes."  
  
We got up, and I hugged her silently, thinking- Thanks Abbs, I needed that.  
  
As she left, I realized the meaning of what she had said. Was it possible? Was it my destiny? Was Raymond. My great-grandson? 


End file.
